Our University Tour...

London and I had such fun exploring the University campus while Daddy was taking his test. We explored and found this fountain just begging us for a photo op! A kind stranger offered to take our photo together, hence this page was able to be created! We had a blast together! We watched people (there are tons of people to watch on that campus too!), walked around and explored, and there was even an art gallery. What a grand time we had today!

Our Day Trip...

We had such fun on our day trip. I love these pictures of him - he's so photogenic! Plus, I love this page I did of him - it turned out great! I'm just a scrapbooking fool!

Grammy and Papa with London...

London just loves his Grammy and Papa! Can't you tell? He had a blast riding in the saddle with them! He loved his special day to spend with Grammy and Papa!

Back in the Saddle Again...

We had such a good time on Memorial Day. The weather was awesome (we got sunburned!), we had fun "playing tourist" and it was just nice to get away for the day. London loved it!

My Handsome Little Man...Priceless!

London and I had such a grand time today. We were so busy with activities! We played endless games of Candyland, baked cookies, made rice krispies treats, I made a yummy pork roast, we flew his airplane, planted his sunflower plant that he grew at school along with his marigolds, made red sugar-water for our hummingbird feeder and filled it, played ball and watched movies! Whew! I'm all tuckered out just thinking of all of the stuff we did today! He hates posing for pictures now (probably because I'm always taking pictures of him) but this one turned out adorable. Priceless!

London's Slide Show!

London's Firsts! First field trip. First School bus ride, First Airplane, and then some just because photos thrown in as well. I just love my baby boy who is growing up so quickly! But, he will always be my baby even when he's 6 ft tall!

My First Airplane...

London was so excited to get his first airplane! It has the Ninja Turtles on it (he SO loves them right now!). He and I spent the day playing out in the yard while Daddy was sleeping after getting off the graveyard shift. London and I usually have to keep ourselves occupied while Daddy is sleeping, and what better way to occupy ourselves - having fun! (And, making memories with each other!)

So Serious...

This is one of my most favorite scrapbook pages of London thus far. I just love my little man so much! My pride and joy and the sunshine in my life! Every day brings something new and I seem to fall in love with him all over again - just like the day we first met after he was born.

Our Day at the Estuary...

London and Charity at the estuary. He and his classmates had so much fun! He really likes all of his new friends - I hope he at least has some of them in his class next year!

My First Field Trip...

London's first field trip to the aquarium/estuary. He had a grand time with his classmates. We had a great time being teacher's helpers. What a blast! And....what memories for London to have on his first field trip! Oh to be young again.....!

You Crack Me Up...

My most favorite little person in the whole entire universe! I love how he's laughing in this picture - he's so happy! I just love him to pieces! You can't tell, can you? My creativity is on a roll tonight! I just LOVE when that happens! That's not very often these days!

Who Loves Ya Baby.....Me!!!

Finally, I've gotten some of my creativity back. Lately, I would sit at my computer and just stare at my scrapbook stuff - my mind had drawn a blank - until tonight. I created this page myself and I think it turned out great! Hmmmmm.......what else can I come up with? Probably nothing else tonight...I've got to get some sleep. London's field trip is tomorrow and Mike and I are both going with London on the big yellow school bus. I haven't ridden a school bus since high school...blast from the past! Wow, it should be fun!

My Sweetie's Surprise...

My sweetie surprised me and bought a movie that I had been over the moon to see.....he bought me "The Holiday" with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet. Then he bought London the new "Charlotte's Web" movie with Dakota Fanning. As an extra special treat.....he rented "Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton. It was such a good movie - worth buying. I'm still in the process of watching "The Holiday", but it's really good what I've seen of it so far.
We took a special drive after I got off work and out of the Dr.'s office today. We went to one of our favorite romantic parks. London fell asleep in the car on the way there so we were able to park and watch the sunset. We also saw a sea lion playing in the ocean, and a deer watching us drive by. It was a nice moment and especially nice since London was asleep and being quiet....!
We've had a rough few weeks and today I found out that I may need to have surgery. I may have a condition that contributed to my miscarriage, and the Dr. won't be able to figure that out unless he does surgery. So, all of this pain and discomfort I've been having.....could possibly be corrected. The only drawback....it's surgery and since I'm the main breadwinner I would be out of commission for a few days. That would hurt my paycheck - a lot! Plus, we don't want to burden anyone to help us with London while Mike is working and I'm recuperating. We're not the type of people who enjoy burdening others with our child - he's our responsibility, not anyone else's. I will meet with the surgeon in June to discuss everything and then I'll make my decision about whether or not to have it done. It's just not ideal for me to be out of commission - I'm the one my family depends on for everything, including the paycheck. There's just no great time to have this done...I may be able to just live with it because apparently I've lived with it for 12 years now - I'm sure another 12 won't be hard. So, we'll see how everything goes at my appt. first.
We've decided not to have London do Bitty Ball in June. His games would be on Saturdays, and Mike works every Saturday so he would never be able to see London play. I'm sure our best friends or my Aunt and Uncle would come see his games but London deserves to have all of the support he can get - especially to have his Daddy there. So, Mike and I decided we would skip Bitty Ball this time around and just do soccer in the fall. Besides.....he's got years to do sports - what's the rush?
Guess I should run - my movie is beckoning me!

What Am I?

What Am I?

I'm only a daughter-in-law and a stepdaughter, but not a mother's daughter.

Most of the time in everyone's eyes I feel that I'm a bother.

I'm not pretty or gorgeous with a figure that flatters.

I don't wear fancy clothes, but neither are they in tatters.

I'm not famous or special in any particular way.

I just live an ordinary life, and take it day by day.

I don't like living life feeling like I'm only treading water.

I'm only a daughter-in-law and step-daughter, but not a mother's daughter.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

May 2007

With the passing of Mother's Day, I'm always reminded of the Mother I don't have. Going through this miscarriage was especially hard too - all I wanted was to have a mother's loving arms to wrap around me.....I don't know if it would have made it easier to go through....but it would have made me feel loved. I think that's why my miscarriage hit me so hard. Most of the time I go through life believing that noone on this earth cares for me....I told Mike I wanted to increase our family because I want to be surrounded by my children and husband who love me. Sometimes I'm just unsure of who really loves me for me....at least with your children you don't have to second guess whether they love you or not. Of course they do! So, right now I just feel completely lost and alone in this big world....it's really a horrible feeling and you'd know it if you've ever experienced it.

Happy Mother's Day To Me...

My Mother's Day present to myself. I was browsing through my scrapbooking software and came across this little gem. And then I found myself browsing through all of London's baby pictures...my, how he's growing so fast these days! I love this picture of him and had it up as my screen saver on my computer for ages.
I hadn't felt too much like scrapbooking lately but Mike and London gave me some "Mommy" time to myself and I took a bath, typed out my poems for my new book to give to my editor, and worked on a page for myself for Mother's Day.
Michael sent me 2 e-cards on the computer while he was at work. Then, he stopped at Target (love Target) and bought me this Shabby Chic journal that I'd been salivating over for quite some time now. It's Pink Suede with paper inside and a set of drawing pencils. Then, he bought me a Shabby Chic coffee cup since he knows how much I absolutely adore my first cup of coffee in the morning. When he gave me the gifts, he said the cup was a gift because I'm a mom now to London, and the journal was a gift because I will be a mom to our future baby. I about had a meltdown over that one! That was very sweet of him - and to think that I thought he forgot Mother's Day. He would just never do that to me. Plus, I got lots of kisses and hugs and snuggles.
London gave me a silhouette outline of himself that he did at school. I want to frame it as the teacher had it laminated for us. He also made me a card. I just love my two favorite men so much!

The Love of a Best Friend...

This week has the been the hardest week of my life...Tomorrow will mark one week since my miscarriage. One of my best friends (I'm fortunate enough to have 3 best friends!) has been calling me periodically throughout the week. Most people have stayed away and given Mike and I time to grieve by ourselves....but Sonia just isn't one of those people. Sometimes she drives me crazy with the things she says or does, but when it comes right down to it she is one of the most faithful friends you can ever have. Today I had a complete meltdown on the phone with her because I thought Mike had forgotten today was Mother's Day (he didn't, by the way) and because I'm just at an extremely low point right now. All week I've felt like I've had this whole ordeal to go through by myself. I would go grocery shopping or go to work and put on my brave face, but if only everyone knew that my heart was still breaking. Sonia would call though when I least expected her to and we'd talk for an hour at a time, sometimes almost 2 hours. How two people can find so much to talk about, I'll never know! Sonia and I have been best friends since 7th grade. We have a lot of history together and our friendship has survived the two of us moving all over the place to different locales, and we've even kept track of each other's pregnancies, etc...
All I know is that I'm very thankful for my best friends and especially for Sonia. Without her this week I don't know what I would have done.

My Angels...

Out of the depths of sadness this poem was created. I suffered my 2nd miscarriage the beginning of this week. Life can really throw some curve balls - especially when you're not paying attention!
But, out of this whole situation....I was able to find a miscarriage support group online. The ladies there have been beyond wonderful. It's very sad that we have to come together on this support group for the loss of our babies - but, it's also strengthening to know that I'm not alone and neither are they. I put this poem on my support group also. They were very touched by it. My aunt also has a support group she goes to for the loss of her daughter (my cousin) - she asked my permission to take my poem to her group as they have a support group for people who have suffered from miscarriages. Eventually, I would like to join the local support group that I can physically go to. But, that will take time as I am not ready. I wrote this poem from my heart - I was composing it on my way home from the Dr. after receiving the news. I had to think of something besides crying while I was driving because I didn't want to get into an accident. I've found that it's very difficult to cry and drive at the same time, especially if you want to be a safe driver. So, the words just started flowing on my drive home, and then I finished it that night as I wasn't able to go to sleep. I'm still having trouble sleeping - and I'm not sure if it's because I have some depression kicking in from my loss, or if it's from the medication I was given.
Mike and I wanted this baby so much....he even told me after he got out of the hospital in January that if he were to die his biggest regret would have been not being able to have another baby with me.
Our love is so strong though...we've been grieving together and it helps to lessen the pain when you're going through it together. London has been more well-behaved also and I think he knows that Mommy is in pain and that she's sad.
Before I forget.....a big thank you to all of our friends and family for their support. Thank you for giving us space to grieve on our own and get through this. Just knowing you're there and that you care about us means more than you'll ever know....