My Boobers.....

Yes, I know....it's a ridiculous nickname but we came up with it when London was just an infant and it stuck! He is seriously my pride and joy - my reason to get up in the morning, my reason to drag my butt to work everyday to make sure he has all of the special things he wants, my reason to be a really good mom and try to make up for the people in this world who don't treat him as special as we do. He is just my special, little man!

Favoritism...

Why do you play favorites and never treat them the same?
Do you think what you're doing is fair, or just part of your game?
Since when is one child treated better than the other?
Is it because one child's parent is the favorite mother?
I'm not participating in such an unfair, ridiculous show.
How do you think it feels to be unimportant - do you even know?
Noone in their right mind could possibly think this is fair.
For when two children are involved, equality should be shared.
I'll stand by and watch this charade for now, but I will eventually blow my top.
For only then will this ridiculous, unfairness finally come to a complete stop.
We long for the day when we are finally able to move away.
So we are no longer subjected to the favoritism play by play.

Tiffany S. Roberts

London, London.....how does your garden grow?

My little guy loves to garden. More specifically....he likes to play in the dirt! As long as he's happy that's all that matters!

Shunned...

I can't stand by any longer and watch my child consistently being ignored.
By someone who favors their friend's kids, but with mine is completely bored.
If you're going to treat my son that way, you're no better than my mom.
Someone who is phony and whose family belief system is completely wrong.
What do I tell London when he asks what of him is wrong?
Do I tell him it's because he's not a girl or because I'm his mom?
For crying out loud just get over it, whatever hang-up you have stored.
Because I can't stand by any longer and watch my child consistently being ignored.

To my chagrin, I have had the unpleasant opportunity to watch this happen time after time after time. One day London will catch on to what's been happening and will ask why he's not being taken an interest in. What am I supposed to tell him? Well, I'm not going to make up some fluffy story to cover it up. I'm not the one shunning him, so it isn't going to be my fault or my responsibility to give him some fluffy explanation. It's plain and simple....you want to be a part of his life? Then do it.....don't give the excuse of the day as to why you're not able to. Anyone is able to be a part of someone's life - it's actually doing it that makes the difference.

I am amazed at human beings sometimes....you can tell we all pick our favorite people to be around. The ones that we do things with all of the time.....the ones who we don't mind watching their children because we actually like to and we happen to like the parents as well.....the ones that we would drop anything for and run to their side. It's a sad thing though when you have a child and not a whole lot of people take an interest in him. I'm not looking forward to the day when he asks us why so and so doesn't like him or pay any attention to him.....he's already asking a little bit about it and we tell him people are just too busy for all of us. That seems to be the running excuse lately....too busy, too busy, too busy. It's just really sad.

What a 'tude.....in black and white......

I was just goofing around and turned this photo into black and white with a little somethin' extra. It was fun and it still looks good.....What fun, what fun!!!!

What a 'tude!

This picture cracks me up! London and I were outside playing yesterday when I snapped this random picture of him. Lopsided baseball cap and riding his scooter! He's always doing or saying something to make me giggle! Keeps me happy and there's never a dull moment in our house!

London at Play...

My little guy loves to play! We were at Uncle Jim's when he found more stuff to play with! I just love watching him have fun. This page turned out kinda cute and it was fun to do. I'm just a scrapbooking fool!

Is Someone Grumpy?...

I took this photo at the University while we were walking around the fountain. It was so hot that day and the sun was just beating down on us. Which, by the way, could explain London's grumpy expression. Plus, he's getting to where he hates having his picture taken. Probably because I take pictures of him like crazy! He's always telling me he doesn't want to look handsome - typical boy!

Uncle Jim's Tire Swing...

London and I went to my Aunt and Uncle's house today for a BBQ. My Uncle has a tire swing that London just adores. He plays on it every time we go over there. He also has a tetherball that London likes to play with too. The joys of childhood....

My Baseball Superstar...

London picked up Jake's baseball glove and started posing and playing with it. My Aunt and I taught him to use it and he loved catching the ball and throwing it back to me. Hmmm.....do we have a future baseball star in the making?

London and Katie...

London and Katie sat on the school bus together when we went on our field trip. They had a blast! I'm so glad London has his friends from school to play and interact with. He doesn't do much with anyone else his age outside of school - so I'm glad he at least has his school friends to count on. They make him very happy. I hope he has some of the same friends in class next year too!

Being Silly at the Park...

London and I went to the park today while Daddy was sleeping. We're getting accustomed to doing things on our own, since we're on our own a lot! We don't do much with anyone on a regular basis, except my aunts and uncles. Other than that, we're alone much of the time. But, we make good memories playing at the park and having fun nonetheless.

If I Were a Sister...

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about what my life would be like had I been a sister to someone. Would I be a good sibling? I've given it a lot of thought though on the type of sibling I would want to be had I had a sibling. It saddens me when I see brothers/sisters who basically act like they could care less about their sibling. It shows too...they're not close to each other, their children are not close to their cousins and they have a relationship devoid of anything substantial. I've always been told that this happens in a lot of families.....why does it happen? Why does one want to be a mediocre sibling, instead of striving to be that sibling that makes a brother/sister proud? I've always, always, ALWAYS wanted a sibling....I never got one obviously - so it just makes me watch other people who have that one thing that I do not have - a sibling. I watch how they treat their brother/sister, I watch them take advantage of their brother/sister, and I watch how their relationship is disintegrating because neither of them care enough to make more out of it. There are some people in this world who should have been only children. The people who blame their sibling for not getting enough attention and get into trouble JUST to get attention. The people who cannot think beyond themselves long enough to realize they have a brother/sister. The people who only want to pay attention to their brother/sister when it's going to benefit them in some way, shape or form. I just don't understand this mentality of casting aside your brother/sister until you need them to watch your kids, give you a ride, be a shoulder to cry on when you've screwed up your life, etc.....I don't understand it at all. There is only one family I've ever seen whose siblings totally adore each other and it shows. My Aunt and Uncle on my Dad's side of the family. I think it's all in the way you're raised too. If you're raised to only have animosity and jealousy towards each other....what can you expect to have for a relationship in your adult years? Mike and I both think London would be an awesome big brother. He has that caring, empathetic side to him. Plus, we've raised him to be a very loving and sensitive child. I hope he will get to have the chance to be a big brother because I just know he will be great at it. So, my word of advice is this....remember that you only have each other to go through life's trials and don't wait until it's too late and you're filled with regret because you were too wrapped up in yourself to care about anyone else. Maybe I'm not the expert on siblings......even though I've always wanted to be one. But, I do know that I wouldn't settle for mediocrity as a sibling. I would want to be the best I could possibly be.
Since I have no siblings though, I will never have to worry about what could have been.

You're so mischievious...

I am just so honored to be London's mom. Every day that I spend with him, I fall in love more with him. Each day is a treasure for me to spend with my little boy!

Our University Tour...

London and I had such fun exploring the University campus while Daddy was taking his test. We explored and found this fountain just begging us for a photo op! A kind stranger offered to take our photo together, hence this page was able to be created! We had a blast together! We watched people (there are tons of people to watch on that campus too!), walked around and explored, and there was even an art gallery. What a grand time we had today!

Our Day Trip...

We had such fun on our day trip. I love these pictures of him - he's so photogenic! Plus, I love this page I did of him - it turned out great! I'm just a scrapbooking fool!

Grammy and Papa with London...

London just loves his Grammy and Papa! Can't you tell? He had a blast riding in the saddle with them! He loved his special day to spend with Grammy and Papa!

Back in the Saddle Again...

We had such a good time on Memorial Day. The weather was awesome (we got sunburned!), we had fun "playing tourist" and it was just nice to get away for the day. London loved it!

My Handsome Little Man...Priceless!

London and I had such a grand time today. We were so busy with activities! We played endless games of Candyland, baked cookies, made rice krispies treats, I made a yummy pork roast, we flew his airplane, planted his sunflower plant that he grew at school along with his marigolds, made red sugar-water for our hummingbird feeder and filled it, played ball and watched movies! Whew! I'm all tuckered out just thinking of all of the stuff we did today! He hates posing for pictures now (probably because I'm always taking pictures of him) but this one turned out adorable. Priceless!

London's Slide Show!

London's Firsts! First field trip. First School bus ride, First Airplane, and then some just because photos thrown in as well. I just love my baby boy who is growing up so quickly! But, he will always be my baby even when he's 6 ft tall!

My First Airplane...

London was so excited to get his first airplane! It has the Ninja Turtles on it (he SO loves them right now!). He and I spent the day playing out in the yard while Daddy was sleeping after getting off the graveyard shift. London and I usually have to keep ourselves occupied while Daddy is sleeping, and what better way to occupy ourselves - having fun! (And, making memories with each other!)

So Serious...

This is one of my most favorite scrapbook pages of London thus far. I just love my little man so much! My pride and joy and the sunshine in my life! Every day brings something new and I seem to fall in love with him all over again - just like the day we first met after he was born.

Our Day at the Estuary...

London and Charity at the estuary. He and his classmates had so much fun! He really likes all of his new friends - I hope he at least has some of them in his class next year!

My First Field Trip...

London's first field trip to the aquarium/estuary. He had a grand time with his classmates. We had a great time being teacher's helpers. What a blast! And....what memories for London to have on his first field trip! Oh to be young again.....!

You Crack Me Up...

My most favorite little person in the whole entire universe! I love how he's laughing in this picture - he's so happy! I just love him to pieces! You can't tell, can you? My creativity is on a roll tonight! I just LOVE when that happens! That's not very often these days!

Who Loves Ya Baby.....Me!!!

Finally, I've gotten some of my creativity back. Lately, I would sit at my computer and just stare at my scrapbook stuff - my mind had drawn a blank - until tonight. I created this page myself and I think it turned out great! Hmmmmm.......what else can I come up with? Probably nothing else tonight...I've got to get some sleep. London's field trip is tomorrow and Mike and I are both going with London on the big yellow school bus. I haven't ridden a school bus since high school...blast from the past! Wow, it should be fun!

My Sweetie's Surprise...

My sweetie surprised me and bought a movie that I had been over the moon to see.....he bought me "The Holiday" with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet. Then he bought London the new "Charlotte's Web" movie with Dakota Fanning. As an extra special treat.....he rented "Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton. It was such a good movie - worth buying. I'm still in the process of watching "The Holiday", but it's really good what I've seen of it so far.
We took a special drive after I got off work and out of the Dr.'s office today. We went to one of our favorite romantic parks. London fell asleep in the car on the way there so we were able to park and watch the sunset. We also saw a sea lion playing in the ocean, and a deer watching us drive by. It was a nice moment and especially nice since London was asleep and being quiet....!
We've had a rough few weeks and today I found out that I may need to have surgery. I may have a condition that contributed to my miscarriage, and the Dr. won't be able to figure that out unless he does surgery. So, all of this pain and discomfort I've been having.....could possibly be corrected. The only drawback....it's surgery and since I'm the main breadwinner I would be out of commission for a few days. That would hurt my paycheck - a lot! Plus, we don't want to burden anyone to help us with London while Mike is working and I'm recuperating. We're not the type of people who enjoy burdening others with our child - he's our responsibility, not anyone else's. I will meet with the surgeon in June to discuss everything and then I'll make my decision about whether or not to have it done. It's just not ideal for me to be out of commission - I'm the one my family depends on for everything, including the paycheck. There's just no great time to have this done...I may be able to just live with it because apparently I've lived with it for 12 years now - I'm sure another 12 won't be hard. So, we'll see how everything goes at my appt. first.
We've decided not to have London do Bitty Ball in June. His games would be on Saturdays, and Mike works every Saturday so he would never be able to see London play. I'm sure our best friends or my Aunt and Uncle would come see his games but London deserves to have all of the support he can get - especially to have his Daddy there. So, Mike and I decided we would skip Bitty Ball this time around and just do soccer in the fall. Besides.....he's got years to do sports - what's the rush?
Guess I should run - my movie is beckoning me!

What Am I?

What Am I?

I'm only a daughter-in-law and a stepdaughter, but not a mother's daughter.

Most of the time in everyone's eyes I feel that I'm a bother.

I'm not pretty or gorgeous with a figure that flatters.

I don't wear fancy clothes, but neither are they in tatters.

I'm not famous or special in any particular way.

I just live an ordinary life, and take it day by day.

I don't like living life feeling like I'm only treading water.

I'm only a daughter-in-law and step-daughter, but not a mother's daughter.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

May 2007

With the passing of Mother's Day, I'm always reminded of the Mother I don't have. Going through this miscarriage was especially hard too - all I wanted was to have a mother's loving arms to wrap around me.....I don't know if it would have made it easier to go through....but it would have made me feel loved. I think that's why my miscarriage hit me so hard. Most of the time I go through life believing that noone on this earth cares for me....I told Mike I wanted to increase our family because I want to be surrounded by my children and husband who love me. Sometimes I'm just unsure of who really loves me for me....at least with your children you don't have to second guess whether they love you or not. Of course they do! So, right now I just feel completely lost and alone in this big world....it's really a horrible feeling and you'd know it if you've ever experienced it.

Happy Mother's Day To Me...

My Mother's Day present to myself. I was browsing through my scrapbooking software and came across this little gem. And then I found myself browsing through all of London's baby pictures...my, how he's growing so fast these days! I love this picture of him and had it up as my screen saver on my computer for ages.
I hadn't felt too much like scrapbooking lately but Mike and London gave me some "Mommy" time to myself and I took a bath, typed out my poems for my new book to give to my editor, and worked on a page for myself for Mother's Day.
Michael sent me 2 e-cards on the computer while he was at work. Then, he stopped at Target (love Target) and bought me this Shabby Chic journal that I'd been salivating over for quite some time now. It's Pink Suede with paper inside and a set of drawing pencils. Then, he bought me a Shabby Chic coffee cup since he knows how much I absolutely adore my first cup of coffee in the morning. When he gave me the gifts, he said the cup was a gift because I'm a mom now to London, and the journal was a gift because I will be a mom to our future baby. I about had a meltdown over that one! That was very sweet of him - and to think that I thought he forgot Mother's Day. He would just never do that to me. Plus, I got lots of kisses and hugs and snuggles.
London gave me a silhouette outline of himself that he did at school. I want to frame it as the teacher had it laminated for us. He also made me a card. I just love my two favorite men so much!

The Love of a Best Friend...

This week has the been the hardest week of my life...Tomorrow will mark one week since my miscarriage. One of my best friends (I'm fortunate enough to have 3 best friends!) has been calling me periodically throughout the week. Most people have stayed away and given Mike and I time to grieve by ourselves....but Sonia just isn't one of those people. Sometimes she drives me crazy with the things she says or does, but when it comes right down to it she is one of the most faithful friends you can ever have. Today I had a complete meltdown on the phone with her because I thought Mike had forgotten today was Mother's Day (he didn't, by the way) and because I'm just at an extremely low point right now. All week I've felt like I've had this whole ordeal to go through by myself. I would go grocery shopping or go to work and put on my brave face, but if only everyone knew that my heart was still breaking. Sonia would call though when I least expected her to and we'd talk for an hour at a time, sometimes almost 2 hours. How two people can find so much to talk about, I'll never know! Sonia and I have been best friends since 7th grade. We have a lot of history together and our friendship has survived the two of us moving all over the place to different locales, and we've even kept track of each other's pregnancies, etc...
All I know is that I'm very thankful for my best friends and especially for Sonia. Without her this week I don't know what I would have done.

My Angels...

Out of the depths of sadness this poem was created. I suffered my 2nd miscarriage the beginning of this week. Life can really throw some curve balls - especially when you're not paying attention!
But, out of this whole situation....I was able to find a miscarriage support group online. The ladies there have been beyond wonderful. It's very sad that we have to come together on this support group for the loss of our babies - but, it's also strengthening to know that I'm not alone and neither are they. I put this poem on my support group also. They were very touched by it. My aunt also has a support group she goes to for the loss of her daughter (my cousin) - she asked my permission to take my poem to her group as they have a support group for people who have suffered from miscarriages. Eventually, I would like to join the local support group that I can physically go to. But, that will take time as I am not ready. I wrote this poem from my heart - I was composing it on my way home from the Dr. after receiving the news. I had to think of something besides crying while I was driving because I didn't want to get into an accident. I've found that it's very difficult to cry and drive at the same time, especially if you want to be a safe driver. So, the words just started flowing on my drive home, and then I finished it that night as I wasn't able to go to sleep. I'm still having trouble sleeping - and I'm not sure if it's because I have some depression kicking in from my loss, or if it's from the medication I was given.
Mike and I wanted this baby so much....he even told me after he got out of the hospital in January that if he were to die his biggest regret would have been not being able to have another baby with me.
Our love is so strong though...we've been grieving together and it helps to lessen the pain when you're going through it together. London has been more well-behaved also and I think he knows that Mommy is in pain and that she's sad.
Before I forget.....a big thank you to all of our friends and family for their support. Thank you for giving us space to grieve on our own and get through this. Just knowing you're there and that you care about us means more than you'll ever know....

Our Day...

Mike and I had such an amazing day today! First, we tried a new church - and really liked it! Shocking too, considering my opinion of church and a lot of the hypocrites that go to church. But, we enjoyed ourselves and London even went to his Sunday School class and stayed the entire time without us having to be paged to come get him. A lot of the reason that we switched churches was because our previous church had no adequate children's program. If London isn't going to stay in his class and learn about Jesus, there's no reason for us to continue going to a particular church. He was a lot of our deciding factor, not to mention that our pastor resigned.
We also liked the fact that people welcomed us openly. We went to another church in the past where noone even made us feel welcome. We went there for 6 weeks and not a single welcoming word to us. But, I think they were only interested in herding people in like cattle. They don't care about people as individuals.
Then, we had lunch and took a drive. The drive was amazing - Mike and I were able to have a great talk. We haven't been able to do that in ages! We really communicated and really listened to each other. He can sometimes be very non-communicative with me and so when he does open up and spill everything out it's very momentous!
We took London to the park and came home. Nothing major, but very nice just the same. That's all for now....

Cow Town 2007

As promised....pictures from our visit to the petting zoo! We had fun, can't you tell?

So Much Fun......Not!

Today, Mike and I both had to go to the dentist. He had his teeth cleaned, I had 4 fillings filled. I was only supposed to have 3 fillings done, but they found another tooth while working on the others that needed a filling also. So, since I was already numb with novocaine I just had them do that one too. I felt like crud too afterwards.....the whole bottom part of my mouth was numb including my tongue. Makes you just feel weird not being able to feel if you're swallowing or not. It's starting to wear off now though, which I'm glad because I'm absolutely starving. I haven't eaten since 8 this morning and it's going on 3pm now.
We took London with us to the dentist and he just sat with Dad while he was having his teeth cleaned. They gave London a tooth brush for sitting and coloring so quietly. I'm just glad that's over until next year's visit. We went to a new dentist here in town and he seems to be pretty good. We were happy with his work.
I do have a pet peeve though......I've always had horrible teeth, ever since I was little. I credit that mostly to my mother who smoked and took drugs during her pregnancy. If she had taken care of herself (and me) better during pregnancy I would probably have better teeth to this day. When I was pregnant with London, I faithfully took my prenatal vitamins and ate what I was supposed to just so I would have a healthy baby. London has awesome teeth now too. My peeve is this.....when you're a parent or about to become one, you don't just have your selfish self to think about. You have to think about how your actions/habits affect someone else. I know... shocking, isn't it? So, instead of taking that puff on a cigarette, or swig of beer - think of how that affects your child, wife, life, etc......I think we'd have amazing people/kids running around in this world if their parents stopped being selfish and actually thought of someone besides themselves for a change.
Mike and I have always made sure that we had health insurance too. That's a huge part of staying healthy and keeping up on routine check-ups for teeth, etc....
I had regular dental care when I was little, but I think the damage starts when you're in the womb. That's my personal opinion, but it's what I think.
I think the only point I'm making is that I think people should just be more aware of the things they do that affect the entire family. The selfish habits of drinking, drugs, smoking, etc......they don't just affect the person engaging in these activities. These activities affect everyone, especially children. I'm living proof of that. All I can do is make sure that my child has a stable home free of alcoholism, smoking, and drugs. And, I can make sure he has adequate healthcare so he's not having a problem with his teeth or anything else in his mid-30's. It's just part of being responsible parents - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. I don't really care what people think of me and of what I write on my blog. I'm not on this earth to win friends - I'm here to raise my child and be a good wife to my husband. I don't lay awake at night wondering if this person or that person like me or not. Who cares? All I know is that my husband and I had an agreement before we got married that if he ever turned into an alcoholic or drug addict or whatever...the marriage was over. I won't tolerate it. It's bad enough I had to tolerate an alcoholic parent in my childhood - as an adult, I will not be subjected to that ever again. Now, don't get me wrong....My husband has an alcoholic beverage if we go to Olive Garden or something. But, we don't keep alcohol in the house. Partly because I have a very addictive personality and I don't need or want the temptation. I want London to have as normal of a childhood as possible - I don't want him saying his parents were just a couple of drunks.
Mike's snoozing away since he worked the graveyard shift last night....but, I'm supposed to wake him up so we can go do something fun while it's nice and sunny.
I've got to type up all of my poems this weekend to get them ready for my editor, and finish our friends' curtains. Plus, whatever else I can rummage up to get done.
I think we'll go swimming too. That's what we did both days last weekend. London loves it and so do we. It also fits into our exercise regiment for our workouts on Wednesdays while London is at school. I'm thinking of joining a yoga class too - that just sounds fun and somewhat low-impact. It fits into my work schedule too.
Til next time....

What A Day...

First, Mike and I met at the gym, after my staff meeting at work this morning, to work out together. Then, we ran errands while London was at school. Then, after London got out of school today, we took him to a petting zoo. He got to meet Nutmeg the Cow, 2 pigs (which he named one of them Wilbur after the pig on Charlotte's Web), 2 miniature ponies, 3 goats, several rabbits (one with new babies), a sheep, chickens with their baby chicks and several calves. He loved every minute of it - it was actually the best $11.00 we've spent in ages! We walked through several times to visit everyone over and over again. London was talking to all of the animals and even ventured to pet some of them. He was fascinated with the pigs and got right in the pen with them. It was okay though, the owner told us to get right in their pens and visit. I fell in love with Nutmeg the cow. She was so nice and friendly - for a cow. I've never petted a cow or a pig before so mommy was having just as much fun as London! I have pictures, but will download later. Then, we took London to our favorite park and played awhile. Afterwards, we got Papa Murphy's and came home! What a day!
On to more excitement....I've finally come up with the title to my 2nd book and I'm just finishing up the tale end of it before it gets sent off to my editor. I am so excited - and proud of myself. Maybe, just maybe....I will be the type of parent that London will be proud to call me his Mom!
We're enrolling him in Bitty Ball in June - it's like T-Ball but for younger kids. Then, in September he gets to do soccer. We're excited to get him up and running and involved in things. I always wanted to do sports or something but the excuse was always no money....I'll work 2 jobs if need-be just to make sure he has a great childhood.

Ta-Ta for now......my honey, my pizza, my baby, and my movie are all waiting on me........!

My Little Angel...

My angel.....yes, I'm biased being his mommy and all! What a doll!

My Handsome Little Man...

I just love this photo! I had a fun time transforming it into black and white also! Enjoy!

Injured Love...

I feel so worthless, like I don't deserve anything from you.
Was that always your intention, or is that feeling really true?
Am I really so horrible, and a failure as mom and wife?
Do you really have room for me in your busy life?
Late at night I wonder if we've mistakenly taken our vows.
For the feelings of love my heart does not arouse.
We have no time for each other anymore.
And, on this marriage we've apparently closed the door.
We masquerade to our friends and family that everything is fine.
But really, when no one is looking, our marriage is on the line.
Neglect and harsh words have injured our love.
Something we may get over, or never recover from.

Tiffany Sue Roberts, April 2007

My Day at the Park...

London had such a great time at his favorite park. He loves the slide and the swing the most! We usually go to the park and then go to the beach so he can throw rocks into the water! What a fun time my little man had!

Easter

We went to my Aunt's house (on my mom's side) for Easter dinner this year. After dinner, we hid eggs for all of the kids and then watched them find them all. London had a blast, especially since he found one of the "special" eggs that had a dollar bill inside of it. He said it was more "moneys" for his piggy bank! We played games in the yard and had a blast. We played games that we played when all of us cousins were little. It was great. London had a great time playing with all of his cousins, which I was able to get all of the cousins together for a group photo.

After that we went to my Uncle's house (on my Dad's side) for dessert and to play croquet. London played on the tire swing and played tetherball. He was so worn out by the end of the day!

By the way......I know Easter isn't about bunnies, eggs and candy......I'm not an idiot - I realize the true meaning of Easter. But, this was still fun!

Future

If I didn't have my little boy, would life really be worth living?
He is what keeps me going, and continually forgiving.

Sometimes I feel so inadequate in my role as mom and wife.
And, sometimes I can understand why someone would take their own life.

I truly don't understand how my life went from that to this.
Why couldn't we have held onto our feelings of wedded bliss?

Neglect, harsh words and taking advantage of each other are unfortunately now the norm.
Because of this our hearts are growing colder, instead of growing warm.

We have some major changes that need to be made.
If our marriage is ever going to be able to make the grade.

Tiffany Sue Roberts, April 2007

Our outing to the tulip fields...

London and Daddy posing in front of the windmill. I think it was cloudy or something, or I could have forgotten to put my flash on my camera. But, my page turned out kinda cool and different anyway.

Flowers, Flowers, And More Flowers...

I really like how this page turned out. Surprisingly, I really like the color scheme considering I'm not overly fond of reds, etc....My little cutie-pie is sure a camera-hog!

Say Cheese.....

My little man posing for the camera! He had such fun seeing all of the pretty flowers! Maybe he will be the type of man who has a tender, soft side to him rather than be some burly dingle-berry who's too macho for mushy stuff! A mom can only hope.....

Tiptoe thru the Tulips...

This photo is so adorable! London was just smelling the tulip and being so gentle not to break the flower! What a precious photo! We had such a good time on Friday - and London loves to look at all of the pictures we took of him with the flowers!

Check out my Slide Show!

We had a really good time visiting the tulips! We wanted to do it early so we would miss the crazy tourists. London loved the flowers and had a blast posing - although I think he got tired of it after awhile. I'm supposed to go with my aunts to see the flowers sometime next week, that will be a lot of fun too! Just a day out with all of the girls - we're supposed to have lunch, go shopping and visit the tulips! What fun!

Woo Hoo!

Have I got news for you! I sent my editor a synopsis of my 2nd book, and she wants to publish this new book as well! I am SO on my way to making a name for myself in this big world! Maybe I'll be the next Emily Dickinson or something....maybe that's reaching too high - but golly....a girl can sure dream, can't she? By becoming an author, I only wanted to do something that would make people remember me - make something of myself and not just be a nobody! I want to be a SOMEBODY in this big, big world! I'm not sure of all of the details right now, since I just found out today about my 2nd book. Now I just need to come up with a title and a cover for my newest masterpiece. I've got to come up with some marketing ideas and ways to get my books noticed and sold....I've got some ideas - I just need to have time to work on them! Won't my Daddy be tickled and proud of me? That's my big news and I'll keep everyone posted on details as I get them! See ya!

So Serious...

I love the photos you capture when your little ones are least expecting you to take a picture. London and Daddy were reading together on the floor and London was so serious listening to Daddy tell the story. I couldn't resist taking this picture!
On another note....I've not really been wanting to scrapbook lately - since I've been sick it's been all I could do to just do the basics around the house, take London to school and trot myself off to work. I've just lost my passion for scrapbooking for awhile - plus, I'm not even sure who looks at my blog (if anyone)or if I'm just creating these entries for nothing. I've really not had the time either to work on my blog a lot and it's easy to put on the back burner. We're planning a big expedition to the tulip fields to see the tulips and get pictures taken - we'll see how that goes if the weather cooperates and if the crazy tourists stay out of our way! I told Michael that we seriously need to consider moving out of the state or something away from all of this rain! I HATE rain - did I mention how much I hate rain? I hate it so much that if given the chance to move somewhere where it hardly rained at all and was sunny most of the time, we would take it in an instant! There's a reason it stays so green around here - it rains 364 days out of the year! Yes, I'm exaggerating - but you get the point....
Big news....I've sent a synopsis of my 2nd book that I want published to my editor! I'll let you know details once I find out. I've been steadily working on my book too, so that would probably explain why I also have no free time for my blog.
Guess that's all for now...

Frustration...

I'm trying to raise my child with the limited knowledge I have
When you criticize, or talk behind my back I take it as a personal stab.

Give me loving kindness, or a pat on the back.
Stop making me feel that every comment is a personal attack.

Don't compare me to a relative, or the lady down the street.
Please act as though you are proud of me to all those you meet.

I'm not trying to be a bad person, or make you angry in any way.
But, I think it needs to be brought to everyone's attention that I have something to say.

Tiffany Sue Roberts, 2007

What A Week...

What a horrible week! Monday I was diagnosed with pneumonia, Tuesday was my Birthday and I couldn't do much to celebrate. Mike had to cancel my surprise party for that evening and he ended up making me lasagna and chocolate cake. I had to miss work since the Dr. said I needed to be on the antibiotics for at least 24 hours before being around anyone. Then, to top it all off....pretty much everyone forgot it was even my Birthday. What a way to make an old gal feel special and loved! Actually, I think the older you get...the worse your Birthdays are. I think Birthdays are really for kids anyway, when you get older who wants to celebrate getting a year older and being closer to the grave? So, that's been my week. Hopefully, I'm on the mend and will continue to get better. My Dad's birthday is tomorrow - I have his present pretty much done but have to wait until payday to send it. I won't forget to call him though!
My house has become a disaster pit since I've been sick. I'm trying to work on it slowly because I get winded very easily from the pneumonia and then feel like I can't get enough air. Eventually, it will all get done - just a little slower than normal.
Not much else to report. Nothing spectacular going on. Mike and I would love to go to Disneyland sometime. We're trying to figure out how we would accomplish this. London would go bananas! My boss just went last weekend and brought all of us employees souvenir Mickey Mouse coffee mugs. That was nice of him - he didn't have to do that!
On another note...I'm almost finished with my upcoming 2nd book to have published. Plus, I'm trying to get some press releases done for some local TV stations and see if they would be interested in doing an interview with me. I've got lots to do between now and the time I finish my next book. I'm just a busy girl - no wonder I have pneumonia, I can't just settle down and rest - I have to be accomplishing something at all times!
That's about it for now. 'Til next time...

Happy Birthday to Me...

My birthday isn't actually for a couple more days....but just wanted to title my blog entry with that caption. Apparently, Mike has a surprise party planned for me when I get off work on Tuesday. It's really not a surprise party though because I was supposed to go to a baby shower for one of my really good friends after work, but Mike asked me not to go to it because he's got my party planned! What a stinker! I've already given my friend her gift though, so all is good.

We have been SO incredibly sick with a viral infection. I missed 2 days of work last week, and London finally went back to school on Thursday after having missed several days of school. Our Dr. had to give London antibiotics because his cough just wasn't getting any better. He's perked up a bit now though and started eating again and being his goofy little self. He isn't gaining weight though, which has the Dr. worried. He did some tests on him and found that London isn't absorbing fat the way he should be and he has a problem with his digestion. So, once London is better our Dr. wants to do some more testing on him.
I'm tellin' ya....people have got to start learning hand washing and staying home when they're sick so they don't spread their gargantuan germs to everyone they come into contact with. It's absolutely disgusting and very preventable if people only had a brain to think with.......
Okay, I'll get off of my soap box now.

I've been so productive today. I got all of my baby shower gifts done (I still have 3 showers to attend), my Aunt's birthday present done (her birthday is tomorrow)and my best friend's Christmas present done. Yes, I know it's March - but perfection takes time. Hee hee. Next, I need to finish my Dad's birthday present. His Birthday is just a few days after mine. I'm almost done with his stuff though and then need to get it off in the mail to him. He will get a kick out of it as it turned out really great.

I'm beginning to enjoy not going to church on Sundays. We haven't found a church anywhere that makes us particularly thrilled anyway, so I'm not willing to waste my time looking. My time happens to be valuable to me and everyone is just going to have to deal with us not attending church. I won't shove religion down London's throat anyway....Just because a child grows up in an "ultra-religious" environment does not mean they will make good decisions when they become adults. Yeah, the foundation is laid, but people are going to do what they're going to do - especially if allowed to run wild with no rules to follow. We teach London right from wrong, he says his prayers at night, he has his own devotional bible and Christian videos and that is quite enough.
I will go to church again when people who go to church stop being hypocrites and start being real. Practice what you preach, and live your life according to what you're learning in church. Don't just be a "Sunday Christian". Live it 7 days a week, 365 days out of the year. Maybe not all churhes or churchgoers are this way....it would just be nice to actually find a church around here that was actually true to their word. I'm sure I'll get slammed for this...anytime I ever have an opinion about religion, someone always feels the need to try to sway me to their way of thinking.

Switching gears a little....thinking about London's birthday party this year.....We were brainstorming and thought maybe we would just invite London's friends from school and have a swim party at the YMCA. Or go bowling or skating or something. Just brainstorming, but I like to make sure London's parties are fun and exciting for him. I remember birthdays when I was little where my mom wouldn't do anything really. I got a cake and a present or two and she called it good. I won't do that to London. His birthday will always be made to be a HUGE deal because the day he was born is a very important day and it always will be.

Anyway, I just wanted to touch base and let everyone know that we haven't fallen off the planet - just laying low trying to get well and full of busyness with this and that to accomplish.

Till I write again......

Nicky...

London's new puppy Nicky. What a pose! We were at the beach and I couldn't resist taking this close-up of him. What a cutie!

Hello......

London talking on the phone to Grammy. He wanted to watch the snow falling too so he got comfortable and started talking to Grammy on the phone. I just had to get a couple of candid shots of him while he wasn't paying attention. They turned out cute too!
My poor little guy has been so sick this week. He choked on his fluoride tablet on Sunday and developed a cough afterwards. Well, to make a long story short, we've been into the Dr. twice this week and on the phone in the middle of the night to the Dr. on call. Luckily, one of those nights our MD was the Dr. on call so we were able to speak to him directly about what was going on with London. The bottom line is this: he may either have croup (apparently it's going around) or a virus or aspirated pneumonia (from choking on his tablet). I've not had any sleep for days now and I've developed the headache from Hades which has lasted for 2 days. Momma is one tired girl with a head that feels like it's going to explode!
I was supposed to go to my beloved tea party tomorrow - but I'm staying home with my little man and we'll just watch movies on DVD all day. It snowed today and he wanted to go play out in the snow but Momma said no because I don't want him getting chilled and getting even worse!
There will be other tea parties in the future and right now my top priority is getting my precious boy well!
I've got to run for now.....the bathtub is summoning me for a warm soak and Michael is watching London for me. They're watching Flushed Away right now - London wanted it so badly and we bought it for him to enjoy! Us too!
Till I write again.....

My Pride and Joy...

My husband asked me tonight if I would like some time to myself to work on my blog....honey, you KNOW you don't have to ask that question! The answer will always be a resounding yes! I love to work on my blog any spare chance I get.
London is my favorite person to put on my blog too. He's always doing or saying something blog-worthy! I've thought of some scrapbook pages to do after looking at all of my photos. When our computer stopped working I was so worried about losing my book proofs (I made xerox copies of it for safekeeping before the computer problem)and all of my photos. I had almost 3,000 photos on my computer and the repair guy was able to retrieve everything and transfer it all over to the new hard drive. Amazing! I'm very thankful too. Now, I just need to download my photos onto disk so that doesn't happen again.....
See ya later!

Bridge to Terabithia...

We took London to see "Bridge to Terabithia" today during the matinee showing at our local theater. It was such a good movie and London was glued throughout the whole movie. He had to stop midway for a potty break, but for the most part, he sat through the entire movie. That's unusual for him too because he normally can't sit still for an entire movie unless he really likes what he's watching. Anyway, it was very good and completely worth our time and the money left on our gift card which we used to see the movie. He even said that he loved the movie and talked about it this evening during his bath.....now I just need to read the book!

Let's Be Silly...

I caught London making this funny face - he just learned how to make a fish face with his mouth! What a hoot! I got a kick out of it and couldn't help but snap a photo of him!

A Kiss For My Love...

I know, I know.......enough with the wedding mushy photos! But, you see, I just cannot stop myself! I love my man and he loves me and I just want to shout it from the mountaintops! But, I'll have to rein myself in and settle for posting photos on my blog.
This page turned out kind of cool. The photo was originally taken in the shade so we were barely visible but I played around with the color a bit and came up with this.
I cannot believe I've been able to scrapbook a few pages and put them on my blog tonight in only an hour's time. I'm on a roll!
By the way....did I mention how much I love Michael? You can't tell, can you?

Once Upon a Time...

Michael's illness last month made us both realize how much we truly love each other. We are so in love with each other right now that it's almost scary to be that enamored with someone and dependent upon them.
I've never had a chance to actually scrapbook some of my wedding photos and tonight, while everyone is asleep, I decided to take some "me" time. How I love to scrapbook in the peaceful quiet just listening to my loved ones sleep. I should be asleep too, but I have to take advantage of my "me" time whenever I can get it.
I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do for Michael for Valentine's Day. I'll have to cook up some ideas and see what I can come up with.
All I know......is that I love him to pieces and he feels the same about me. Why is it that it always takes a brush with death to make you truly appreciate what you almost lost? Mike and I have found our love again and it is truly a beautiful and magical thing! May we never forget how it feels to be loved and in love with your best friend! We will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary this year. All I can say is WOW!

My Wedding Day...

I have been SO wanting to do a scrapbook page of my Dad and I on my wedding day. Finally, I was able to scan my photo onto my computer and come up with a scrapbook page. My wedding colors were pink and green (which, by the way, I hate the color green now LOL) and I found the perfect scrapbook page to compliment my wedding colors. I was so fortunate to have my Daddy walk me down the aisle. We've had our share of rough spots - especially when the alcohol was put before me. But, we've since been able to overcome the alcoholism and he's a tremendous Dad now and a wonderful Grandpa to London. I'm glad that I will always have the memory (and photos) of my Dad walking me down the aisle to become Michael's wife. My Dad has been there for all of my momentous occasions in my life - graduations from high school and college, my wedding day and the birth of his first grandchild. I'm so happy that he never missed any of those important events. For that, I will always be grateful that my Daddy was there for me. I love you so much Papabear!

A Little Boy's Best Friend...

Yet another scrapbook page with London and Nicky together. They are the best of friends! We were again at the beach for a little while - braving the cold and just having fun together. I love it - my little boy and his best friend! Priceless!