Introducing Madelyn Rose......

Born February 26th 2009 1:48pm
7 lbs, 12 oz
21 inches long

It's A Girl!

Siblings...

Siblings

Some sibling relationships are phony and fake.

Full of selfishness, there's no give and take.

The sister thinks no effort ever has to be made.

She views her life through glasses of jade.

She always pines for not being an only child.

Her brother feels the agony of always being exiled.

She takes it for granted that she even has a brother.

Their only common bond is their father and mother.

She's already failed in her sibling role.

She's put her brother in a tiny little hole.

It's plainly obvious that she just doesn't care.

Her brother resigns and puts his hands in the air.

Don't use me as your scapegoat for not being able to relate.

You've been this way forever, only you've sealed your fate.

Your brother has found others to willingly take your place.

You have proven time and again for your brother your life has no space.

Be in his life, or don't be...the choice is up to you.

We already know, without a doubt, what you will do.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Defend...

Defend

I get so tired of always having to defend my son

To people whose hearts should automatically be won.

I want to scream and cry but it will be to no avail

For these people will never admit that they fail

How can anyone be so cruel to a little boy of four?

He can't compete with his cousin who means so much more.

I quit, I'm done, and they've failed in more ways than one.

My disappointment runs high with people who always shun.

What am I supposed to tell him when he asks why noone cares?

Am I supposed to tell him these people are too selfish to share?

They're the ones missing out on my special little boy.

Only they will be remiss to share in his joy.

I really want to tell them just to get lost and stay away.

My son deserves relatives who love him everyday.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Silly Girl....

Silly Girl

I'm not the silly girl that I used to be.

I'm just ordinary and I want to be me.

Accept me as I am, or don't accept me at all.

I can't waste my time on people who make me feel small.

I'm not at all famous, and I'm certainly not rich.

Quite frankly, I'm sure some would call me a witch.

Life is too short to waste on such trash.

Especially people with whom I clash.

If you think you're a diva, a princess, or a star.

I don't want to be around you, no matter who you are.

You can think you're important all that you want.

But really maybe a mirror is what you should haunt.

Money and fashion don't make the person one bit.

You can't put food on the table with your looks or your wit.

I'm really very tired of the hypocrites of today.

They're just too stupid to see how their comments weigh.

So, if you want to be in my life, if at all for a minute.

Be there consistently or don't bother being in it.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Hypocrites.....

I get sick of hypocrites who can't practice what they preach.

People who say they care, but really are so out of reach.

Don't waste my time making me listen to your mindless crap.

I'm not in the mood, and I will never fall for your trap.

You're missing so much in my little boy's life.

But, what do you care? You only cause us strife.

You've picked your favorite, and it is certainly not us.

I'm sick of the fight, and finished with the fuss.

You win the battle, for we have decided to quit.

You're not worth my time, or even my wit.

I hope you're happy with yourselves thus far.

For you've really screwed up and left a permanent scar.

Tiffany Sue Roberts



I am EXTREMELY disappointed in various people who SHOULD be a part of London's life but have this "I don't give a crap about anyone EXCEPT who is in front of my face" mentality. So, you know what....you've won. Plain and simple. That's what you wanted to begin with...and that's what you've got. I don't care if I ever have anything to do with these people ever again. We're only filling our lives with people who make our lives rich and full and who treat us the way we DESERVE to be treated. We don't have to wait around for people to throw us scraps because THEY have the opinion that we don't deserve to even be thought of. You win. I quit.

London

To My One True Love.....

My Love

I love the way you love me and stay always by my side.
For when I'm with you I don't feel the need to hide.
I can be my silly self, and not some phony girl.
I love the way you look at me, it makes my head whirl.
You're always so faithful, loving, caring, and true.
Without you I'd be lost, whatever would I do?
Even when things get rough, you love me through it all.
And, somehow you don't make me feel an inch tall.
We make beautiful babies and love each other all the more.
We're always excited to see what God has for us in store.
You're not only my husband, but my friend and lover too.
I just wanted to say that your sweetie really loves you.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Happy Birthday Michael from "your Giggles"!

A Nice Article For Adult Children....

Go To: www.soencouragement.org/grammy's-tired-today.htm

Heartbreak.....

Heartbreak

I don't understand, for the life of me, why you need to self-destruct.

So many people love you, yet you continue to press your luck.

I love you so much it hurts inside, but I have to protect my heart.

I know you love me in your own way - I've known it from the start.

I hate to watch your heart fail and you struggle just to breathe.

For I know it's just a matter of time before we say goodbye and grieve.

If we could turn back time I would say, "Please Daddy don't drink that beer."

If we knew then what we know now you'd stop drinking just to be here.

I want to cherish the time I have to spend with you right now.

I promise I'll try not to cry and be a brave girl - that's my vow.

I've always loved you, my Daddy, throughout the good and the bad.

Because at the end of the day, you're still the only Father I had.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Starting My Own Business Endeavor.....

I'm in the process of starting my own online craft business.
I have a shop set up already and just need to start listing the items
I wish to sell. Go to http://LadyTiffany.etsy.com

Maybe More People Should Think 1st BEFORE They Breed.....

I Didn't Ask

I didn't ask to be born of parents who don't care.

Parents so engrossed in a life they can't possibly share.

I only count on myself that's the only stability I know.

I can't depend on parents who are the stars of their own show.

I'm not proud of who they are or of what they've become.

I can't have pride for anyone who thinks they are the only one.

Maybe more thought should be given when you want a child of your own.

Think what type of life you will give, and what kind of a home.

Anyone can breed, that's an unfortunate fact.

But it takes someone special to form a parental pact.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

The Fall....

The Fall

I don't need a mother or a mother's love.
I'll never have the kind of mother others speak fondly of.
I don't believe in fairytales or happily ever after.
And, I certainly don't believe in my mother's laughter.
I don't do tea parties, or shopping trips galore.
For I don't buy into that relationship - not a worthwhile chore.
I don't trust a mother to truly love me at all.
For I know that inevitably a mother's love will fall.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

My Thoughts....

The Vacancy

I didn't ask to be a part of your life, nor did I have a choice.

As an adult I have learned to speak up and use my voice.

You can hurt me no longer with your petty games and mind-play.

And, I don't really need to listen to anything that you say.

I've grown accustomed to the vacancy in that motherly role.

I'm better off without you as your damage has taken it's toll.

I no longer trust that what people say is genuine and real.

For I dare not show anyone how I hurt and really feel.

Just because you're a mother does not mean you're pure at heart.

It doesn't mean you can lash out and have anger off the chart.

I pity the people who have to tolerate what I've had to silently endure.

All I can do is focus on my beautiful son, of that I am most sure.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

My Biggest Pet Peeve.....

My biggest pet peeve is people who are consistently late and have to make their "grand entrance" while others have to wait for them. I personally feel that my time is valuable and I DO NOT have any obligation whatsoever to wait for some little diva to make her entrance. I am of the opinion that people who make others wait on a consistent basis do so for a need of attention (to feel important) and to make sure others know that they are in control (a power-trip) because they aren't in control of any other situation in their lives.
I am offended and disgusted by the little divas in the world who think noone else's time is important - they have the opinion that the whole world is in place just to wait on their behalf.
So, here's the deal.....the next time someone disrespects me and cannot show up somewhere on time.....I will walk out and you will need to reschedule your time with me. I'm not bowing down to the chronically tardy divas any longer. It's one thing to be late once in a while, but quite another when you simply have a case of not being able to get your head out of your butt. Keep this in mind the next time you want me to associate with you in some way.

A Nice Article About People Who Make Others Wait For Them Constantly.....

Always Late? Find Out Why
It's high time to figure out what's making you perpetually behind. Here, strategies to help you get out of the lateness rut.
By Keith Ablow, M.D.

Some years ago when I was chief resident in psychiatry at the New England Medical Center, I decided it was finally time to enter therapy myself. I was dating the woman who would later become my wife and I wanted to explore why I hadn't yet committed to her.

So I booked an appointment with a noted psychiatrist, about 10 miles from my home, and left early enough to get there on time. But 35 minutes later, I was lost amid curving backstreets — and already 15 minutes late.

I called the psychiatrist, apologized, and suggested we reschedule for another day. "Haven't you been avoiding therapy long enough?" he asked me.

I thought about it. Part of me wanted to dismiss the idea that my ambivalence could have turned me round and round until I was too late for my session. It seemed almost comical to think that I couldn't even commit to figuring out why I couldn't commit in a relationship. But I'd learned enough about the mind's defenses to know it was possible. It was also true that I had waited until my final year of psychiatric training to start out on the road to therapy.

"Yes," I said. "It's been long enough."

"Then keep trying to find me," he said. "I'll wait for you, no matter how much you wish I wouldn't."

Now, with the benefit of that therapy and 15 years spent treating my own patients, I know that being late is a way many of us express a range of hidden emotions — including avoidance of uncomfortable situations. Here's what your lack of punctuality might be saying about you — or someone you care about — and the keys to making a change.

1. "I feel anxious"

Many people make themselves late, whether once or repeatedly, when heading to a job or to meet friends, because they feel apprehensive or stressed. It's as if deep, unresolved emotions are acting as resistors in the mind's circuitry, redirecting us away from the source of our discomfort.

If you find yourself 20 minutes late for lunch with a few friends three times in a row, it's time to wonder what's making you want to avoid them: Are the restaurants where you're meeting too pricey for your budget? At the back of your mind, are you worried that socializing is taking time from work you ought to be doing? Does someone in the group consistently pressure you to talk more openly about your kids or marriage than you wish to?

Once you've homed in on the underlying reason for your feelings, you need to decide how to address it. Planning is the enemy of anxiety. If the menu's beyond your budget, send a group e-mail suggesting a couple of "great food, great deal" restaurant choices. Your colleagues should get the idea that they're stressing you out with the four-star routine and dial it back. If it's that you're leaving too much unfinished work, plan to devote two extra hours to it the day or evening before. Whether or not you manage to cross everything off your to-do list, you've already earned your two-hour lunch break. And if someone's behavior makes you dread your next get-together, choose a time and place to raise the issue with her in a direct yet conciliatory way. The post-lunch phone call might start off, "I was thinking about how much I look forward to these lunches, for the most part. But there's something I'm not feeling so great about that I'd like to talk over with you."

2. "I'm showing who's in power"

It's one thing to think, We're good friends. If I'm a few minutes late it won't matter. It's quite another to think, She knows I'm busier than she is. It isn't a big deal if she waits a few minutes for me to get there. People who use lateness to signify they are special or more powerful than those they keep waiting may not plan to show up late, but there's often a quiet running commentary at the back of their mind suggesting that others will — and really should — wait for them.

I once coached an executive who was repeatedly late to meetings with the team working under her. It had come to the attention of her boss, who was unhappy about it. When I explored the reasons for the pattern, she admitted it was rarely the case that a true emergency prevented her from being on time. "Do you worry whether your team really accepts you as their leader?" I asked her.

She smiled. "It isn't like any of them ever leave before I get there," she said. Exactly. Waiting is a form of deference. And it can mean the late person wants — or needs — to be reminded she is superior and in control. It sounded to me like my client might be keeping people waiting for exactly this reason. "There are lots of ways you've proven yourself as a leader," I told her. "Once you believe that yourself, you won't need to keep testing people to see if you've proven it to them."

If someone you care about is pulling rank by always running late, lead by sharing your own feelings in a supportive way. Remember, your friend or coworker or husband may not even realize that she or he is locked in a hurtful pattern. Here's what you might say: "I've got to tell you, when you're 20 minutes late — and it happens a fair amount — I start feeling like a second-class citizen. I doubt you want me to feel that way. Could we agree from now on to meet at a time that actually works for both of us?"

3. "I need to know I'm loved"

I once treated a client who was chronically late to appointments with me.

"I don't think you've made it here on time more than twice out of a dozen visits," I told him, finally. "Any reason you can think of?"

He shook his head. "I've always had trouble getting where I'm supposed to be," he said. "My dad used to just take off without me whenever it happened."

"When did it happen with your father?" I asked.

"Not often. Once in a while going to school. My dad drove me, but if I was late — even by a minute — he'd just leave, and I'd have to find a way to get there on my own."

"He was unfair," I said. "And he wasn't loving, at those times."

One way we may gauge the affection of others is to test whether they will sacrifice their time. If you keep your husband waiting for updates on your schedule, figure out why: Do you feel he should be more involved in planning dinners or resent that he complained about the last two weekend outings that you had arranged? Turn your insight into a confession of sorts: "I was thinking about why I've been keeping you in the dark until the last minute. And I may have figured it out. We used to alternate planning things for the kids. But lately, it's been all me. I know that's just the way it evolved, but I liked it when you were scoping out fun things for us, and I miss it. Can we go back to a team approach?"

If you have a friend who is always late, you can become a true healer with just one comment like this: "Just so you know, I'll always wait for you. You're much more important to me than getting to a movie in time for previews. But it would be great if we did leave early enough, because cutting it too close makes me stressed out about parking and all that."

Clocking Lateness

Use the profiles delineated previously to nail why you have trouble being on time. Then you can start fighting back with these practical strategies. And don't start "later" — start now.


Keep a date book and be sure to carry it with you: Writing down appointments makes them real; having that record always handy will keep you honest. If you aren't scheduling yourself on paper or electronically, you're more likely to give yourself leeway — at the expense of others.
Factor lateness into your day: Create "lateness buffers" by planning to leave an event 10 or 15 minutes earlier than your first pass at scheduling would indicate. Or start getting ready a bit sooner than you think you need to, reminding yourself you aren't the best judge of how much time you need.
Have more confidence in your future: When you steal time to send one last e-mail, you're really saying you're not sure there's enough time for, well, your life. Try walking out on the day's loose ends, and you'll find they slowly lose their control over you.
Put yourself in their shoes: Imagine yourself as one of the people waiting for you, and his or her anxiety that time doesn't really matter to you. Doing this exercise might motivate you to be more punctual.
Balance your imbalances: If you're the chronically late one in your family and your husband is compulsively punctual, recruit him as a time coach.
Be sure you wear a watch: When you see that the time of your appointment has arrived, but you haven't, you may feel just enough "good stress" to make more of an effort to be on time.
Take time — for yourself: For those who have trouble creating realistic schedules and sticking to them, meditation can be beneficial because it forces you to sit quietly with yourself and focus. Yoga or an exercise routine can do the same.

My lateness started to disappear when my psychiatrist and I got to the bottom of my trouble with commitment. It related to everything from the normal pressure I felt to please my parents to my memories of school phobia as a child. I was associating commitment — and getting to therapy to talk about it — with all that early conflict. Choosing to begin therapy, and arriving on time, was part of the cure, especially since keeping that commitment yielded immeasurable gains in my sense of self and my ability to express love for others.

Defeating lateness can mean victories just as great for you or those you love. So don't delay the battle.


Being late can be a symptom of mild or even more serious psychological problems — worth thinking about if you or someone you know is habitually more than a few minutes late.

1. Depression: Because depression causes not only sadness, irritability, and changes in sleep and appetite, but also loss of focus and energy, depressed people may be chronically late — and that won't be the only symptom. The lateness is likely to be relatively new or to come and go with the mood disorder. Also, depressed people who are late tend to be late to lots of different things, not just work or coffee with a friend.

2. Attention deficit disorder: Abbreviated as ADD, this disorder can make people late because they are always searching for misplaced keys, etc. It can make them forget appointments or lose their way, taking wrong turns as their mind wanders. ADD, like depression, is an equal-opportunity cause of lateness. You wouldn't expect it to make you late for work and never for tennis. And you probably struggle in other areas, such as completing tasks in a timely fashion.

3. Substance abuse: Even though it's anxiety provoking to wonder if it's a little too much wine a few too many nights that's making you late to work, it'll end up being much more painful if you deny it.



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My Response....

It's easy for other people who don't know the situation to comment about it.
You don't get to pick your family or your in-laws (unfortunately) and we're expected to just accept whatever scraps of attention you get from them.

Somehow, it has to be made clear that we shouldn't have to accept less than what we deserve AND we should only let those people in our lives who make our lives richer.
We cannot make people like us or take an interest in us...they either do or they don't and being "related" has nothing to do with it.

It's not the greatest thing knowing that people only pay attention to those who are sitting right in front of their faces....noone else exists.

That's the purpose of my blog....to show the upside and downside of certain relationships and I'm glad I don't really have to participate in some of them.....
PLUS...this is my blog and I can write whatever I want, whenever I want, and however I want.

My blog is like my personal journal...I tell it like it is, how I see it, and how we hear about things through the grapevine. There are always going to be those people in families who have to be the "drama queens" of life...they aren't happy unless they're causing all eyes to be upon them at all times.....gimme a break - that whole routine is getting so old and we're getting so tired of it already. My advice to the drama queens....you chose your life and made your mistakes....don't make the rest of us pay for your mistakes too. It's your problem so deal with it accordingly.

Oh, and while I'm at it....how hard is it for brothers and sisters, or whatever relation you happen to be, to sit your lazy butt down...pick up the phone and dial a few numbers to speak to your family? Is it really difficult, or a chore or some other made-up excuse in your head? Or.....would you rather wait until you're standing at your family member's graveside wishing you had said this or that or the other thing but were too stubborn to pick your pride off the sidewalk and be a decent human being or family member? I'm SO sick of the excuses we always hear as to why so and so never calls...."I'm sooooooooo busy (whatever, it's called time-management), "I forgot......."(you've been family members for 30-something years...get a brain transplant) or the best one I've heard yet..."I thought about calling but thought you would think........." OMG....give me a break! But yet you're not too busy to call your best friend, etc.....I don't get people anymore and I'm done trying to understand the twisted goings-on in the brains of people who are not meant to be understood at all.

6:52 PM

To Be a Kid Again...

Innocence

I'm excited at your amazement and your awe.
You look for the goodness and not the flaw.
How I wish I could be so innocent and small.
My vision of others wouldn't be tarnished at all.
Please never change your positive outlook on life.
I pray you'll never have to worry about sorrow or strife.
Your Dad and I will be here always for you.
You can count on our never-ending love for you being true.
You make us happy every single day.
I can't imagine life any other way.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Disappointment...

Disappointment

Don't flatter yourself with thoughts that you're the best.

I personally know that you'll never pass the test.

People are only in your life as long as it benefits you.

How do you think it makes people feel knowing you're not true?

Try to be a better mom, sister and daughter...

Otherwise you're wasting time just treading water.

Try as I might, liking you is hard.

How can I like someone who always holds the trump card?

Trot off into the sunset and don't look behind.

For I'm very sure thoughts of us will vanish from your mind.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

An Ode to an Only Child...

An Only Child

I'm glad I'm an only child and here's the reason why.

I'm ashamed to be related to someone who refuses to even try.

Relationships work both ways - they're not a one-way street.

Somehow you think you have a license to ignore and mistreat.

If I were you, I wouldn't be so proud of the person that you've become.

Obviously you don't need a sibling, because you're too focused on being the only one.

We cannot wait around forever for you to become who you want to be.

And, we cannot pretend that all is well with such a dysfunctional family.

It isn't normal to ignore your siblings - no matter what the reason or cause.

Because in the end you have to realize that as a sibling you too have many flaws.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

A Stranger...

A Stranger...

We don't even know who you are anymore.
Trying to relate to you is such a big chore.
All you want is your friends, but never your family.
You shove us away because we just don't agree.
Your choices in life have never been the best.
But, you're the one who enjoys going through this test.
Eventually you will ignore us one time too often.
And, for that, our hearts for you will no longer soften.
So just go away and pretend we do not exist.
We already know that in your eyes we won't be missed.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Selfish...

Selfish

Why do you enjoy putting your child last?

Can't you get over your days of the past?

Food, clothes and love should be first on your list.

Somehow your needs are met but your child's are missed.

How does any child feel knowing she's only a bother?

Having to play second fiddle to her mother and father.

Why are you parents if she's never put first?

Is she just a trophy and brings out your worst?

There are some in this world who should have been blessed.

There are others who only care about being best-dressed.

Take a look in the mirror and see who you've become.

You're too selfish to come in third, yet too lonely to be one.

Tiffany Sue Roberts

Long Time, No See.....

Just checking in....been extremely, extremely busy! It seems the older London gets, the busier I become....I'm going to totally be a soccer mom! What a hoot! Soccer starts mid-June and his 1st game would be June 25th or was it the 24? I can't keep track. He also wants to do karate lessons and t-ball. He will be a busy boy! He needs activities where he can feel like he belongs.

I got my haircut and it is cute, cute, cute. I got TONS cut off and my hairdresser said it might help my migraines since my hair is so thick and heavy. Plus, I'm not one of those people who likes to keep the same hairstyle year after year.....I don't want my husband putting me on one of those makeover shows on TV because I've let myself go or something....when your hair looks stringy, long and ugly - get the crap cut off and get a more stylish style. I'm getting blonde highlights put in sometime and then I'll just be gorgeous...well not really, but you get the idea.

We are having homemade chicken alfredo for dinner tonight....yum-o! I love to cook and this will be so good. I made my famous homemade lasagna for Seth's birthday dinner - he requested it and totally loved, loved, loved it! Yay for me.....I made a homemade carrot cake last week and it's totally gone now.

I've got dinner to cook, laundry to wash and fold, and a floor that needs some major vacuuming so I better go for now....Ta Ta For Now.....

35......And Counting!!!

Happy Birthday to me.....a week late! Yep, I turned 35 on March 6th. I was so sick on my birthday - 103 fever, aches, chills, upper respiratory yuck....absolute misery! Last year I had pneumonia on my birthday and this year I had some kind of viral/flu crud. I'm thoroughly convinced my birthday is jinxed! Good thing I'm not still working at my previous employer.....2 years in a row being sick on my birthday - they would have accused me of being a liar......I have the Dr. visits to prove it, but they wouldn't care....they've already established their own opinion of me. Whatever......we're never moving back to that area again anyway so their opinion is of no concern to me anyway.

My peeves of the week:

You see everyday on the news how people are murdering their children by hitting them, etc.......Why is it that you need a license to drive, a license to get married but any idiot on the face of the planet can get knocked up and never have to take a parenting class or a psych eval. prior to giving birth? Make people either get involuntarily sterilized for being too stupid to become parents, or make it mandatory for all people to get a license to become parents.....THAT would eliminate a lot of the idiots becoming parents who shouldn't be having kids in the first place. You're not "playing house" with little dolls.....a baby is a real human being. Any questions?

My Dad married a gal who has a 15 year old grandson. He is the most inconsiderate, selfish, self-centered, worthless pile of trash who walked the planet. He's disrespectful to everyone and I'm told that "all teenagers are that way". Oh boy...that's really something to be proud of. No respect for yourself or anyone else.....sounds like prison material to me!!! Which is where he's headed I'm sure....

People who take advantage of other people and then act stupid like they don't know they've been "caught". Oh please....I'm not an idiot and I don't fall for the "but I don't have any idea what you're talking about" mentality. Tell it to Oprah....she cares more than I do.

Not much else to report....just keeping busy! Til I write again.....

Life and My Pursuit of Happiness.....

It's been awhile since I've last posted.....we're doing well. Mike still likes his job. London is ornery and feisty all at the same time! I'm not sure I like the 4 year old stage - he's very bratty at times! Please tell me it gets better!

Now don't laugh but I've been working on Barbie clothes - crocheting them. It's fun and gives me something to do in my quiet time. It started out as just making them for London's barbies (yes he plays with barbies, and no he's not gay!)and then for London's Godparents' little girls and it just grew from there. I've been making other stuff as well. I've found a couple of places to sell my stuff so now I'm looking into doing that as well.

My manuscript for my 2nd book is in the envelope and ready to be posted in the mailbox. I'm always a little anxious and nervous when my manuscript leaves my hands and arrives in the hands of my editor. EEEEEEKKKKK!

We're just trying to keep life as normal as possible for London despite the alcoholism going on here with my Dad. If I were president I would enact Prohibition all over again and then all of the alcoholics in the world can stick it up their butt and smoke it!!!!! Here's my definition of an alcoholic:

A: Absence of Judgement
L: Lack of Care for Anyone but Themselves
C: Careless
O: Offensive
H: Hopeless
O: Opposing of "doing the right thing"
L: Lost
I: Insensitive
C: Coddled by enablers who don't make them deal with their little problem.

I hear it all the time...alcoholism is a disease...blah, blah, blah.....I don't really care if it's a disease or all in their head. Deal with your problem, get over yourselves, buck it up and do the right thing. Stop making your family members bow down to you by manipulating people to do what you want them to, stop blaming others for your inability to deal with your drinking problem, etc......we're not the ones at fault for you losing your job, for you getting a DUI (which you deserve if you get caught drinking and driving) for your lovely hangover the next day, and for the money you don't have because you blow it all on drinking. Look in the mirror and figure out that you only have yourself to blame for taking your next drink. And THAT my dear friends.....is my opinion of an alcoholic. It's just an excuse to drink.

TA TA For Now.....

P.S. I'm not lowering my standards just because other people cannot live up to them...

Winter Busyness...

Busy, Busy, Busy! The days are just flying by! Mike got a job and it's a good job too! Benefits, retirement, etc.....He started working last week and he's really happy with everyone he works with. Thank heavens! I am having my second book published. I was trying to do it last year but with everything in such upheaval with finances, jobs, moving, etc....I never pursued it aggressively. But, now that I am not working I figure I should take advantage of the opportunity to get my second book up and running out of the bookstores! I'm hoping to have a book signing too to help with book sales. I will be a success as an author one of these days! I'm planning on putting London back in school after winter is over (roads are dangerous to drive here in the winter) and I'm planning on volunteering in his class every day so that I will be able to get out of the house and be with him at the same time. London got a goldfish that he named Abraham (after the goldfish on Different Strokes, Arnold's pet fish). London and I will be starting our little garden in the plant room this week. He wants to grow corn and potatoes and I'll find some other stuff to grow too. I'm trying to find somewhere to sell my crafts and get some extra money coming in too. I'm not accustomed to not working, but I'm also enjoying playing with London and teaching him stuff. We've been playing soccer outside every day and he loves it. This summer we're thinking of putting London in soccer if finances allow. He would like that and we want him actively involved in sports or something to keep him busy so he won't go down the wrong path. London named one of the turkeys. There's Tom turkey, the male and then he named the female Blessing. I don't know where he came up with that name but it's really cute and fits her perfectly. She's all white.
Well, not much else to report......just an update on our country life! We're just excited to be warm enough now, have shelter and food to eat. We are truly blessed.
I have discovered the TV series, "Will and Grace" and have been watching it faithfully. It truly cracks me up, especially since I only watch TV to escape reality and let my brain take a break from the events of the day. I also love, love, love the series "The Girls Next Door". They crack me up too. Yeah, I don't believe in their lifestyles on either series, but to each their own. I just like being entertained by them. I don't think anyone on this planet even has morals anymore after TV and Movies get done bombarding everyone with the idea that the more people you hook up with, the "cooler" you are. Yeah right, WHATEVER! Then what? Go to church and ask for "forgiveness" and do it all over again? Oh please....the absurdity of it all!

Settling In...

We are settling in after our big move. London loves feeding the turkeys, chickens and "roadrunners" (as he likes to call them.) We had our first snow down here and London and I built a snowman together. It was a lot of fun. We took pictures of his "Frosty the Snowman" and it turned out really cute.

We attended a candle-light service on Christmas eve at a local church. London sang his little heart out and he loved holding his candle.

London enjoyed his Christmas presents. Mike and I didn't even open our presents until 7pm Christmas night. It just didn't feel like Christmas and we just weren't in the Christmas mood. We tried to be in the Christmas spirit for London though, regardless how we were feeling.

My mom and I have been talking via the telephone. She apologized to me the night we moved away which is huge for her - she's part of the parenting group who thinks they need not admit fault for anything they've done or haven't done. I hope to never be that type of parent. It's like getting to know each other all over again but part of me will always be cautious with her.

My Dad has started his drinking again. I don't mind people who drink occasionally and stay coherent and somewhat sober. But, if the drinker is going to be belligerent, sneaky, self-centered, and unpredictable I don't want to be around them - nor do I want my child around them. Alcoholism is one of the most selfish addictions. The drinker doesn't care about providing for their family, or holding down a job. They expect to be doted on and treated like royalty while causing their family nothing but sorrow and grief. And, what about all of the times that the drinker drives intoxicated with their family in the vehicle with them? They don't care if they hurt or maim or kill their family members or anyone else on the road. All they think about is their next drink and who they're going to take it out on when things don't go their way. I don't think highly of people who drink just for the fun of causing their family sorrow and grief, and I don't think highly of all of the enablers who probably clean up the mess the next day from their hangovers and who sweep it all under the carpet for fear of 'rocking the boat'. Mike and I have attended enough Al-Anon meetings to know what enablers should and should not do. I'm going to rock the boat and I don't care who gets mad at me for writing this. I'm done with trying to live my life to please everyone else.

I have my appt. tomorrow to start my genetic testing and hopefully find some answers as to why I keep having miscarriages. I'm a little nervous and scared to find out if something is wrong with me.


Will write more later on another day. Ta ta for now.

Heartbreak

I was scared and excited with a positive pregnancy test.
I was careful not to lift anything and ate only the best.
Imagine my shock and sadness to learn that you couldn't stay.
You had to leave and in doing so my hopes and dreams thrown away.
I held you in my hand, inspecting you with sadness and awe.
Heartbroken you were no longer in my tummy and at what I saw.
I'm not sure if I'll fully recover or if I'll try for another baby or not.
Because maybe I'm only supposed to be happy with the baby that I've got.


T.S.R. 2007

A New Baby on the Way...

Yep, you heard it here first. We're going to have another baby! We're very excited, yet nervous....but very happy! We're due in late spring. So....in addition to moving we will be having an addition to the family! London is thrilled! Talk more later!

Helloooo? Is anybody there?.....

Just a little update......trying to stay warm with this crazy weather! Work is going really well. I like my job and enjoy taking pride in what I do. I only work with one other gal so we don't have the little back-biting catfights, and favoritism amongst other employees that is so prevalent in other workplaces. I'm content where I am and I can honestly say that I will never again return to the optical field. I'm done with it, especially after the experience I just went through over the summer. The money can be great working in that career, but it just depends on who has to be your boss. So, that's my life in a small nutshell! Ta ta for now!

Hello from my cave......

I certainly feel as though I've been transported back to the days where there were no telephones, computers, etc......
As most of you know we no longer have our telephone service or internet. It's sad, I know.....but, there are life lessons to be learned in everything that happens. The biggest thing is that we have learned that we can live without computers, TV, etc....I do have a cell phone that I reactivated - but it's only for emergencies and so my job can get in touch with me. London and I spend more time playing together without the added distractions of technology. In some ways I don't miss my telephone at all.
We have some things in the works which I've sent emails out to those of you who I remembered email addresses.
Just wanted to update and let you know I haven't fallen off the planet just yet!
Take care!

Our Day at the Beach!

Click to play | Make your own Smilebox

Anybody Got a Camera?...

London posing on the beach. He's such a ham and likes to pose! We had a nice time that day and made more memories together! Such fun!

Smile and Say Cheese...

A day at the beach always makes me.....happy! The water lapping the shore, the cool summer breeze, birds calling out to each other.....it's just magnificent and I get the opportunity to share in all of it.
Truly my happiness.....a happy, healthy child....a marriage that we're working on and making progress....a new job for myself....and a day at the ocean.

Happy 4th Birthday, London!!!

Our Birthday Boy sure had a great time at his party! You only turn 4 once, and he had a blast!

I'm the Birthday Boy!

London's 4th birthday was on Saturday. We had a big party for him with cake, ice cream and TONS of presents! He had a great time.......some people say he's spoiled, but I say he's just really, really loved!!!

Always thinking...

My little man is so photogenic! He cracks me up! I just love taking pictures of him doing the goofiest things! What memories we are making together!

By the Seashore...

My most favorite spot in the whole world! My own little "Cabot Cove" just brings me so much happiness. I've loved this place ever since I was a little girl. It's a very small town, if you blink you will miss it - but it's so quaint and....lovely! My little haven.

Smile A While...

I can't believe some of the cute faces London makes at the camera! He's just downright adorable and an absolute ham! He had such a good time at Fort Flagler and loves the beach!

Fort Flagler State Park...

We had a nice time for our anniversary trip. It's always nice to get away from reality for a while and play tourist! This deer was so pretty just sitting by the side of the road just waiting for me to take a picture. I love deer - even after I hit one with my car (it ran out in front of me) 3 years ago I still love them. They are very pretty creatures. I wish we were still on vacation.....but we have to come back to reality at some point!

Self Reflection...

I've been seriously having some moments of self reflection....am I good mother, wife...fill in the blank. I've decided to have some photos taken of myself and then scrapbook them into my little self reflection collage of pages. Maybe it's a little vain of me to do so....but I thought it would be good scrapbook material.

Find me buried treasure, aye.......

London and Jili went on a treasure hunt in Uncle Jim's backyard! What fun! Their "loot" consisted of candy, and toys in a tin container buried in a hole - oh, to be a kid again! They had such fun together those two!

London and Jili...

This is only the 2nd time that London has met his cousin Jilienne. They quickly bonded with each other though and had a great time together. London calls her "my Jili" - he's very smitten by his cousin! I'm glad they had such a great time and look forward to the next time they are able to see each other.

OMG......My New Toy!

I just cannot believe it! My Uncle gave us this new laptop and I still cannot believe it! I've wanted one of these for ages! He said it was a belated wedding present - yeah, try 15 years belatd! (My hubby and I celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in a few days!) So, I know it's probably ridiculous......but I just HAD to scrapbook it and share on my blog! What a silly-silly am I?

Grandparent Means Love...

We went to see my Dad a couple of days ago.....I just love visiting with my Dad. Especially now that he's not an alcoholic - our visits are much more enjoyable. And oh my gosh.....how he loves being a Grandpa! He loves London like you wouldn't believe! London is finally getting comfortable around "his Papa" (as he calls him) and sat on Papa's lap and gave lovies (hugs). What treasured memories to have of the two of them together. I took other pictures too but will have to scrapbook them later. We've had a whirlwind of company come into town and I've not had a moment to hardly do anything at home - between going down to my Dad's and visiting with company. We've just been very busy! But, I'm thankful to be able to see my family - especially when I don't get the opportunity to see them in person very often. Sure, I can talk on the phone but it just isn't the same. My family is pretty special and I love them very much....

Our little man...

What a cute pose! He loves his swimming pool and gets in it as often as possible! I can't believe how much he's grown. My little cutie!

I've Outdone Myself....

I just started scrapbooking this afternoon and I couldn't stop! I'm tellin' ya...it's my addictive "habit"! Hee hee! I caught London blowing bubbles (he's getting very good at it too!) and couldn't resist taking pictures of him. I thought it was cool that I got the bubbles in the pictures too. He's going to look back at all of the photos I've taken of him and think I'm a complete photo nut - I keep telling myself that one day he will thank me for all of the pictures I took of him "just because".
I've outdone myself today....I don't know what in the world got into me but I decided to make homemade spaghetti and meatballs. I mean homemade, no sauce from a jar or frozen meatballs. Homemade everything.....and I must say that everything tasted absolutely fantastic and I'm still alive to talk about it! Hee hee! I'm becoming a great cook considering I knew nothing about cooking when we got married! Hmmm....what else can I whip up in the kitchen? Cookies, banana bread......the possibilities are endless!
TTFN....(ta-ta for now)

All things......Laura Ingalls Wilder!

Check out www.lauraingallswilder.com and www.lauraingallswilderhome.com

Another fascination of mine is the history of Laura Ingalls Wilder. When we went to Missouri to see my husband's Grandma we made sure to stop at the Laura Ingalls Wilder homestead. I was in heaven. My ultimate dream vacation would be.....to go to every homestead site where Laura Ingalls Wilder lived as a child and as an adult. Someday, just someday....my dream will come true.
I swear I was born in the wrong era. I would have made an awesome pioneer girl/woman. I love to grow my own food and do everything the "hard" way. But, I'm spoiled and I like my shower every day and the conveniences of modern medicine. TV is pretty cool too! Nevertheless, I liked that era and don't feel like I "fit in" much with the era I'm currently in. So, woe is me.....
A girl can dream though, right?

Check out my Slide Show!

The Sunshine you give...

I think I've broken my record.....I've been able to scrapbook every single day! This was one of our many trips to the beach. We had a blast and went on a hike too! My handsome little man....just melts my heart! My favorite little person in the universe!

My Fascination with the Amish Culture...

Peach Pie is my absolute most favorite pie in the entire universe! Give me peach pie any day! And......I've found an Amish Peach Pie recipe also - yum - o - (As Rachel Ray would say!)
Looks like I'll have to try my hand at making a pie.....oh yeahhhhh!


Amish Peach Pie
4 c. peaches, peeled and sliced
1/2 c. granulated sugar
1/4 t. salt
2&1/2 T. tapioca
1 (9-inch) unbaked pie shell
Topping:
1/4 c. all-purpose flour
1/2 t. cinnamon
1/3 c. brown sugar
2&1/2 T. butter or margarine, melted
Preheat oven to 425°. Mix together gently, peaches, sugar, salt and tapioca. Let blend for five minutes before spooning into pie shell.
To make topping: Mix flour, cinnamon and brown sugar with melted butter and sprinkle over pie shell. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes.


I am utterly fascinated with the Amish. They're way of life....everything! They do everything the "hard" way, whereas we're so accustomed to being lazy and dependent on electricity, etc.....

I've often thought that I was born in the wrong era. I would have been perfectly content being Laura Ingalls Wilder or some other long-ago character. I like to grow my own food and do everything myself. But, this day and age you're not really given the opportunity to do so with technology and society looking down upon you.

I told Mike that this Christmas I just want books on the Amish. I don't care if I even get anything else!

Goin' to the Movies...

We're so excited! We are going to the Drive-In tonight to see "Evan Almighty", and "Transformers". Mike and London both want to see Transformers and I want to see Evan Almighty. It will be so much fun. We haven't been to a drive-in since we saw Dukes of Hazzard, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when we went to the beach property.

We're trying to keep everything as normal as possible for London while we await the results of Michael's bone marrow biopsy. These will be the longest days of our life - waiting to find out if my husband has bone marrow cancer. Of course I'm filled with wonder at what would happen to London and I if he has it. Where would we go? How would we live? It's scary to be faced with something like this. Noone will ever know either...unless they have experienced it firsthand. My best friend, her sister-in-law, and her mom have all volunteered to be tested to see if they are a match to be a bone marrow donor. That was really sweet of my best friend to volunteer. I think they ask family members first though.....but we'll see. My faith in God is dwindling...it has been for a long time now. I'm filled with questions and doubts about my beliefs and my own Chrisitianity. Just how, exactly, am I supposed to get answers to my questions and my beliefs? Heck if I know!

Which brings me to another topic.....I lost my job last week. In some ways it was a blessing in disguise. I think you get into a sort of comfort zone where you just go to work and do your job (whether you're happy at your job or not) but are so comfortable that you don't want to escape your comfort zone. My boss forced me out of my comfort zone....but I think I'm better off. I don't want to work for anyone who makes me feel like I need to beg for a raise, or explain my life circumstances. The things that are happening in my life with Mike's health are REAL. They are serious and not to be taken lightly. My family will always come before any job I ever have. If they cannot understand that....too bad. I intend to find a better job, but I will not let myself get caught up in being friends with anyone I work with. My motto will have to be (from now on) that I am at my job to do my job and that's it. I'm not there to get chummy and listen to the drama. It's sad it has to come to that.

That's my life....in a nutshell. 'Til next time.....

Our little family...

I just love this page - it's very cute and was so much fun to work on. Our little family may be little....but it's certainly full of love for each other!

C'mon Mommy....let's wade in the creek!

London's first time wading in a creek! He loved it and had a great time. I got pictures of his first expressions putting his feet in the water......priceless! We went to his favorite park and he had a blast playing in the water. (Mommy and Daddy had fun too!)

It makes me feel...

*SAD : when I see my son is not treated equally as his cousin. She's the favorite - and, it shows.
*MAD: when people think they don't need to ask my permission to drop their kid off at my house. Duh, use your manners - if you were even taught any!
*HOPELESS: to realize that I will never matter as a daughter to a mother.
*SCARED: to think my husband may have leukemia or something equally as scary, and that I could lose him.
*STUPID: to think that people assume I have no brain or thoughts of my own and they think they can take advantage of me. Duh, what planet are you from?
*USELESS: to think that if I were to lose my husband, London and I wouldn't even matter to certain people. As long as there is a favorite, (and it isn't London) we're not even needed to be a part of their lives.
*RIDICULOUS: to think that anyone even reads my blog or what I write on it.

You Light Up My Life...

I just LOVE this picture of my little man! He's so adorable and funny! What a fun page to work on!

Our Summer Adventure...

Riding the ferry to see Papa! What fun and what adventures we have together! Times are uncertain with Michael's health so we make the best of an uncertain time in our lives right now. Michael is my life....it's so stupid to say but I rely SO much on him. More than I rely on anyone really. I can't even go grocery shopping without him - how pathetic is that? To have our future so uncertain right now is scary....and so out of my control. We sit and wait for whatever the future holds for us right now. It's times like this that we feel so very alone. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives and we are not the kind of people to ask for help - we never have been. Especially when it comes to London - we have a hard time asking people to watch him for us. So now, we wait and wonder....

Smile....and say cheese!!!

I just cannot believe it - I've been able to have some scrapbook therapy today and I've done 3 pages of scrapbooking. I'm in shock! Nah....my sweetie knows when Momma needs to have her "scrapbook therapy" (as I like to call it) time and he will watch London for me so I can "get creative." Thanks, honey....I owe you one! It's just nice to be able to take my mind off of stuff going on in real life and have my escape with my hobby scrapbooking!

You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Gray...

This is one of my favorite pictures of London posing for the camera. He looks so sure of himself and matter of fact. I just love him so much!!!

Over the hills, and through the woods....

This wasn't quite over the hills and through the woods.....more like hop on the ferry and drive awhile! But, we always have a great time riding on the ferry....especially knowing that my Dad and London's Papa are on the other side awaiting our arrival! Sometimes it's just nice to be the anticipated guests and have a fuss made over you when you arrive!

The Goofy Three Musketeers...

Being goofy on the ferry on our way to see Grammy, and Papa! We had fun, can't you tell?

Feeling Pretty.....Priceless!

Part of our trip to the beach - Daddy, London and I. We had a nice time and just enjoyed being together. That's what really matters - togetherness.....

Million Smiles Park...

They weren't joking when they named this park "Million Smiles Park". London loves it there and has such a great time. Actually don't tell anyone....but we have a blast too! And as an extra bonus you can play in the little stream babbling by.....it's just..........magical! Our new favorite place....hmmmmm.....can't wait to go again!

Our Day...

We had a fun day doing all of our favorite things together. We went to Rosabella's, then we went to the Castle Park. We had a blast and you were all tuckered out by the end of the day. Making the most of our times together......

Our Special Times......Together!

Life can be so unpredictable sometimes. Daddy just got out of the hospital for the 2nd time.....each time I feel like my world turns upside down. Just when I start to think that everything is going to be okay.....I get blind-sided. Note to self.....never get too comfortable with life - it can change at a moment's notice and leave you feeling so vulnerable. So, after Daddy got out of the hospital, and since we are still uncertain as to what the future holds......we are going to make the most of each and every moment that we have together. Because, you never know what hand life is going to deal you. This photo is so precious of London. Just looking over the edge on the dock......what is he thinking? He gets so physically sick when Daddy is in the hospital. The day Daddy came home.....London was his same, perky self and completely back to normal. My sensitive little boy.....I wouldn't change my London for anyone!!!!

The Next Nashville Star...

I caught London singing with my guitar the other day. Cracked me up! He was really getting into it and having a great time. What a hoot! I created this page all on my own. It's kinda cute.....

Cowabunga Dude!

London LOVES playing Ninja and we just bought him some numchucks made out of nerf football material. At least they are soft and he has a blast with them! Oh, to be a child again!!!

London, I have a secret for you....

Mommy and Daddy love you! Every bit of orneriness, silliness, crankiness and just plain being "you", we love every bit of you and your antics! There is never a dull moment in our house and we wouldn't change that for a moment!